We Have Some Catching Up To Do…

Hello there everyone. I hope you all are doing well. It’s been a long time since I’ve been on here again. It feels like it’s been forever ago and I’m deeply regretting it. I’ve been getting that itch to write again for a while after building myself up with some courage and blessings.

The reason why I had stopped writing is because, honestly, I had lost myself. I no longer was my spunky and courageous self. Normally in life when things happen that drag me down, I may have my moments where I have a pity party but I always end up picking myself up right after and going at life even stronger than before. Life isn’t all full of sunshine and rainbows and I’ve always understood that. It has its ups and downs constantly. That’s just apart of this journey called life and you have to look for the blessings and keep pushing through. This time though, I was down for the count. I tried to stay strong and have faith but I let it all get the best of me. I felt like I was worthless, wouldn’t amount to anything, and was better off gone out of this world. Every day I would try my hardest to put a smile on my face for my Littles and be present but it didn’t work very well. It was hard to hide everything that was going on.

I eventually starting seeing how that and other things that were going on in our lives like my relationship with my children’s father were affecting my Littles. Slowly but surely I started noticing the changes in them and in myself as well. One day it was just completely eye opening to me and I was done. Completely done with all the negativity, the bad changes, all the blaming being on me, the no communication anymore, my Littles learning this is how a relationship is supposed to be and that this is what love is, the abuse, my son being filled with hate and sadness, my daughter being scared and anxious almost all the time, the fighting, the back and forth-ness, the being alone all the time, the feeling of being roommates, all the hatred, etc. Every single thing. I was done. Stick a fork in me, I was done.

I was ready to move on and that’s exactly what I did. I didn’t know where life would take my Littles and I or what would be in store for us but I had my heart and mind set on moving forward with lots of faith. I was scared then and wanted to turn back around for a long time just to go back to what I knew for so long. My Littles kept me moving though. Seeing the smile on their faces, hearing their encouragement, and knowing they believed me was so motivating.

Looking back now, I’m extremely proud. I did it. My Littles and I did it. It’s so easy to go back to what you know and what’s ‘comfortable’ but most times, it’s better not to. We are full of love, happiness, and blessings while living life to the fullest now. Still we have our moments just like everyone else but life is going good. We are happier than we have been in a long time.

There have been some changes in our lives that have definitely been blessings. Here are some of them:

I am now working for a good company doing in home care as a certified nursing assistant. The flexibility of it and the clients are amazing. I’ve met some very nice people that have really touched my heart thanks to the company. Towards the end of last year, I met an amazing man. His name is Darvel. I was so nervous and scared at first. After the relationships I’ve had though, that is kind of expected though. Honestly there was a huge part of me thinking that all men are the same and all that jazz. But another part of me is a huge romantic and believes in the happily ever after, even if I’ve never had that. I’m happy I took the chance with getting to know him and seeing what he’s all about. This man has changed my life. He’s showed me what a real healthy relationship and love is all about. I’ve never had to question his loyalty because he’s always showed it 100%. He’s never called me out my name or talked down on me. I’ve never had a man believe in me like he does. He always encourages me to do my best and motivates me. Sometimes my anxiety gets the best of me but Darvel has never made me question or doubt our relationship as well as him. He’s the strongest man I know. Anything he puts his mind to, he tries his hardest and accomplishes it. For example, he wanted to start a YouTube channel (Please feel free to check it out! Hilarious gameplay content. https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCYLIxz8jB8XVEEMjpJb9Vlg) and he’s went above and beyond for it. His parents have definitely raised an amazing man and taught him how to treat people right. My Littles completely adore him. They say he has to be with us forever and I agree. The love is mutual between my Littles and Darvel. He treats them like they are his own and helps me with them without me even asking. When they are having troubles, he’s there to help bring them back up and encourage them. Every day he teaches them another new thing. We couldn’t be happier. I love our little family.

Ju-Ju Bean is 10 years old now. In a few months she will be 11 years old (she makes sure she tells everyone that lol). This girl I tell you, she’s something else. She’s by far the best daughter ever (I may be biased obviously but seriously she is). Ju-Ju Bean is one of the most caring individuals that I have ever known. When she sees someone that is having a hard time, she tries her hardest to show them that she cares about them and show them love. Animals are very important to her. She has a huge love for them. If you ask her about cars, she knows almost all the different types of them. She has been collecting cars for forever. This has been her best year in school so far. She has friends for the first time in a long time, is doing so good, and absolutely enjoys it. Of course, Ju-Ju Bean still wants to be a teacher when she grows up. She plays school as a teacher with her friends and her toys always. Her black cat Bath is her best friend still and follows her every where.

Cruzier is 9 years old. He has had a great year so far. In school, he’s doing amazing. His teacher adores him and so does all his friends. Lunch and gym are still his favorites in school. He now has a kitty named Cowgirl that he got right before his birthday. She’s his best friend and the perfect cat for him. Gaming, playing sports, and just being outside in general are a few of his favorite things. With everything he tries, he puts forth the most effort I’ve ever seen. Every day is a new adventure with him. Ever since he was little, he’s taken us on little adventures every day making us step put of our comfort zone and making us appreciate everything. He’s the best higher in the world and knows exactly how to make you smile as well as laugh when you are feeling down. He has a passion for sports and loves being apart of a team.

That’s about all that is new for us so far. We are excited about what else life holds for us and are so blessed. Thank you for reading and I’ll be writing again soon.


A Few Good Years Left

My Littles are 9 years old and 8 years old. It honestly feels like we only have a few good years left. That feels incredibly depressing to me. I don’t mean to jinx it and I hope I don’t, but it really does feel this way. 

Right now I work 3rd shift.  My Littles are sleeping at home when I am working. So I end up sleeping a lot when they are at school and home. I try to wake up when they get home from school but sometimes I am completely exhausted. When my Littles do see me and get to spend time with me, they attack me with hugs and want to spend tons of time with me. I love it. Sometimes it may feel like too much when I am very tired still but I absolutely love it. I love cuddling up, watching a movie, and playing board games with them. Dancing around the house, driving around amelessly having a jam out party in the car, and going special places is a blast for me. Even just doing absolutely nothing with them except talking about how school, sports, and life is doing for them is my happy time. Those are the moments that hold me over during the days when I am exhausted and overtired from working so many days in a row and pushing through so I can provide for my family and finally get to see my Littles. 

But I fear that we only may have a few good years like this left. 

Soon as they get older, they aren’t going to be so excited to see me. They aren’t going to want to cuddle up with me when I get home early and sneak in their rooms for a few minutes to cuddle and talk before they have to get up and moving for school. Our dance parties around the house where we laugh together and dance the silliest moves, they aren’t going to be interested in that anymore. The jam out parties that we have in the car when we sing as loud as we can to the best songs ever and have the best dance motions are going to be an embarrassment to them. 

Soon it’s only going to be about their friends, their crushes, and shopping to them. That’s it. No me. No me and them spending time together. 

We only have a few more good years left. We better enjoy every last minute of it and cherish it. Before we know it, they will be graduating from high school and college, getting married, and having babies. ❤

Happy Halloween!

Happy Halloween! Well, happy late Halloween now. You know, I meant to post this on actual Halloween but it was such a good day that I got caught up with everything. Usually I am not into the holidays as much around this time of year because of my depression but this one was pretty good. My Littles had a blast and so did I. Little #1 was Wonder Woman and Little #2 was a ninja. We were able to go trick or treating with my sister and her family, as well as with mom. It got dark and cold pretty early but all the kids were able to go to a decent amount of houses. A church in a town close to us always does a Fall Festival with bounce houses, games, and music all free and indoors that we went to. It was so much fun! 

How was your Halloween? I hope it was a blast!

Back into the Workforce

I recently got a job as a CNA after being out of the work world for a little over a year. I thought it would be hard, but I have gotten the hang of it pretty quickly and remember much from going to school and my previous jobs. I absolutely love it! The place I work now is the best and so are the residents. I couldn’t have asked for a better place to work.

The only downfall is that I’m away from my Littles for a long time since I work second shift and they are in school during the day. When I get home, they are already in bed sleeping. It breaks my heart to not be here at home anymore with them every single day but I know they are in good hands when I’m gone. I think it will take some time to get used to again. Today is my day off, and I’m seriously so beyond excited to see my Littles after they get off school!

I’m so proud that I can be doing what I love again while helping provide for my family. It’s the best!


Treasure Hunts

Both of my Littles were both very anxious to get to their cousin’s first birthday party yesterday and kept asking non-stop when we would be going. I’m sure you all know how that goes. I knew it was my fault since I made the mistake of telling them that we would be going as long as they were behaving and listening, thinking that would help motivate them. Of course, it just made them very impatient as it would for me as well.

So I decided to have some fun with them before I completely lost my patience.

I came up with doing some treasure hunts!

I wrote down a list of four items that they had to find around the whole house on all three floors. Most items were easy-ish but a lot of them, they had to actually think about and look for.

With Ju-Ju Bean, since she is kind of struggling with math lately and reading a little bit, I made up some math problems, had her solve the problem, and had her go find the answer to the problem somewhere throughout the house. It worked greatly! She learned how to solve the problems and she helped her brother as well with it.

With Cruzier, he is learning how to read more now so I wrote down words, had him sound them out to figure out the word, and find the word throughout the house. He learned a lot!

I also came up with a few together treasure hunts where they had to work together as a team to find the treaures. With that one, when they were done, they were able to get a surprise which was a gift certificate to a store that I had. They were able to share the certificate and split it. We went to the store and they were able to pick something out they wanted to buy that was within their amount that they had with the certificate. They were so excited that they could buy something they wanted with a gift certificate they earned. I’m so proud of them!

This whole game was a way better way to relax and have some fun while learning, instead of trying to make them calm down and be quiet without asking a million times when we would be going to the party. It was well worth it!


Hello Again

Hello all of you wonderful people that are reading this! I’ve missed you all so greatly and my fingers have literally been itching to write again since I haven’t been on here in about two months now, so here I am! I hope everyone has been well and I can’t wait to catch up with all of you.

Things have been changing, busy, and crazy, to say the least. But, I really am enjoying the ride. Let’s catch you all up on what’s been going on since I’ve been gone:

  1. Thanksgiving was amazing. I spent it with both of my Littles, like usual. We made a turkey and actually stuffed it! Ju-Ju Bean was very nervous and wouldn’t touch the turkey or stuffing for the life of her but Cruzier was extremely eager to help, in fact, he did most of the work for stuffing the turkey! It was a good Thanksgiving and good experience with lots of memories with my Littles.
  2. Christmas came and went. I tried my hardest to stay in the Christmas spirit and did for the most part. Towards the end, I was just ready for it to be done already. But both of my Littles had an amazing Christmas. In the Christmas spirit, we adopted one of our close family friends and her family. Ju-Ju Bean got everything ready for the girls in the family that we were adopting and Cruzier got everything ready for the boys in the family. They both had 2 people each they had to get everything for and pick out. It was such a great experience! The best part was seeing the family’s faces when they opened the gifts. We may have not been able to get tons of stuff for their family but we got some and the smile on their faces was the most rewarding part of it all.

    Merry Christmas Everyone!

  3. Cruzier turned 7!! I still can’t believe it. I remember still being pregnant with him and giving birth to him like it was just yesterday. It’s hard to believe that he is 7 years old now but I am so proud of the little man that he is becoming.
  4.  We are getting help for Ju-Ju Bean that is actually helping which has been a long time coming. Things are working out so well now, I honestly can’t believe it. Let’s hope it continues to help! *fingers crossed*
  5. Ju-Ju Bean started gymnastics for the first time! She absolutely loves it. Thankfully, she is doing it with her cousin who is in the same class with her so it will help her. She really is doing such a good job in it, I’m so proud of her. 12321236_1198054650223211_288135607670585486_n.jpg
  6. I just got a new job today! I have been filling out applications left and right, going to interviews constantly this week, and finally got the call back from the one I really wanted for a job offer. It’s amazing! I will be working at a nursing home as a Certified Nursing Assistant taking care of residents there. I can’t wait to start!
  7. I am actually happy and so are my Littles. I love it! Everything is working out so much right now, it’s kind of scary to feel this way without worrying that things won’t go to pieces soon. But I know that if you think negative, negative will happen. So I am trying to think positive and stay in the present which is totally new to me. But here’s to new thinking, new things, and a new life.
  8. As of this month, I have really been trying to get in shape finally. I have an amazing fitness partner along with a few other amazing people that are helping encourage and support me. I feel so much better now that I am starting to pick up healthy habits and change it into lifestyle changes. I hope I can continue this, as all of you know that it is hard for me to stick with something for a long time.

From a Mother Whose Littles Have Been Bullied

I look at my Littles and I can’t help but think of how they might have been now if they had never been bullied. I love my Littles through thick and thin, always and forever. There’s nothing that can ever change that. But there’s a small part of me that wonders what they would have been like if they had not been bullied in the previous years.

Before my daughter had been bullied, she used to talk to anyone and everyone with a second thought. While that scared me a little bit since there are so many strangers and others that could cause harm to her, she would make talk to others without really a second thought. It was very easy for her to make friends, in fact she thought everyone was her friend and played with everyone that she could. She would tell me about everyone she talked to and played with, about their lives, and what she learned from them. She was always so proud to have made a new friend. My daughter used to not care what anyone else thought of what she looked like, what she did, or what she said. She used to be her and there wasn’t anyone that could change her opinion about herself or “rain on her parade.” She knew what she liked and what she didn’t like, who she was, and what she was. Every single day, she would pick out a perfect outfit for herself that completely reflected her personality. It may not have matched to everyone else but it was her style and every clothing she picked out was a reflection of her. She would wear striped pants with a polka dot shirt, glitter jeans with a bright colored shirt, or a cute animal shirt with a skirt. It was her. Her style, her personality, her fashion. She loved it and so did her brother and I. I wished I could pull off the outfits she put together and rock it like she did.

Now, she’s changed. She’s not the same little free style, relaxed, fun loving big girl anymore.

She’s very cautious about what she wears, what she says, and what she does. Those outfits she used to wear are mostly long gone. Don’t get me wrong, she still wears cute outfits but she always stresses she has to make sure they match, are in style, and if anyone else likes them. With other littles, it’s a struggle for her majority of the time. It’s hard for her to make friends, speak to other littles, and play with them. She’s always worried about if they will like her or not like her and bully her, if she will get picked on, and what if she isn’t good enough to them. Anything she does, makes, or says now, is second guessed by herself on whether it’s good enough or not. She’s not confident in herself any more to say what’s on her mind, to do what she wants to do, or wear what she wants to wear. If there’s an idea or a problem she has, she doesn’t voice it until later when she’s alone with me.

She’s not the same little girl she was.

My son didn’t get bullied as much but it still has affected him in some ways. He used to have no problem making friends. Everyone and anyone was his friend, even the crossing guard and cashier at the store. He loved talking to everyone and making people laugh. He was always so excited about daycare, school, and even going to the store, simply because he could make friends and play with them.

Now, he’s different. He’s a different little boy.

He has a hard time making friends. He doesn’t just go up to other littles and adults and talk to them. He watches from a distance for a while and doesn’t really approach them. He’s not the same little friendly spunky big boy he used to be.

Both of my Littles have changed. Because of bullies. There’s no bringing back my spunky, free willed, fun loving, relaxed, outgoing Littles. They are forever changed.

I will always love them, always and forever. No matter how much they change or grow up, they will always be my Littles and in my heart. They will always be my life. It may take some time, like now, to get used to the new them and be able to help them with what they have gone through but I will always be there for them to help support, encourage, and love them.

At times I wish what they would have been like if they weren’t bullied. Would they still have no problem making friends? Would they be fun loving without a care in the world about what others thought of them? Would my daughter still be wearing the awesome outfits she used to pick out that fit her personality so well? Would they have confidence in themselves?

But then I remember that everything happens for a reason and no matter what, they are still my little babies and will always be my world. No matter what they go through or how much they grow up or change, I will always be there treasuring the moments. Every once in a while, like tonight at Girl Scouts for my daughter, I see little glimpses of her being her true self again and it almost makes me cry.


If you know your littles are getting bullied, please take it seriously and push to put a stop to it before it causes damage. If you know your littles are bullying others, please help them. It can cause damage to others that isn’t repairable completely.

Internship Journal: November 6th, 2015

At my internship today, I learned about respite care. I hadn’t really heard much about what it is or had any experience with it before today. From what I learned tonight about it, respite care is temporary care of dependant elderly, ill, handicapped, or children with challenges. Children can go to a foster home or a group home for respite care when the parents/caregivers need a break from the daily challenges of taking care of a child with challenges and behaviors. They go short term and are taken care of. When the group home I’m doing my internship at has open beds from children going to home visits on the weekends or have been reunited with their families/caregivers, they do respite care for other children. Children come there and stay the weekend until they go back home.

The group home had had a child come for the weekend earlier that day so I was able to learn more about what takes place with respite care and the procedures that go along with it. I was able to read the background on the child and was kind of amazed on the amount of information they had on the child. It was a very small packet, maybe 5 pages, of information on why he was in the state’s care and his medical record. That’s about it, which was shocking due to how much information the group home has on all the other children there.

I could tell right away after arriving that the child was having a very difficult time with the adjustment being there. I seen him throwing things at staff, punching things, and trying to escape out of the front door. He was yelling, screaming, and swearing at everyone. The staff there was very understanding but stayed firm about the boundaries and rules that had to be in place. They tried to calm him down by playing a board game with him, talking about his hobbies, and trying to get to know him. The child was not having it. He had started to warm up just a little bit but then, he started to fly off the wall again. When the other children got there after school, it only got worse and escalated. No matter how crazy things got, the staff remained calm and firm like the children need them to be in that type of environment. It was kind of refreshing in a way when the staff got pumpkins thrown at them, got kicked and punched, and got yelled and screamed at beyond belief, they stood their ground while remaining calm. It really helps the children when they do that because they know someone is there for them that cares but can also keep the structure, respect, and everything in check while they are there.

I had to leave early but I learned a lot of new information that can help me in going into this career field. I’m so happy to have this experience and can’t wait to see what else I will learn.

Thankful Challenge Day 1: My Littles

It’s November, my favorite month of the year. While I don’t like the cold weather we normally get during the month, I love the changing colors of the leaves and that Thanksgiving is coming. I’ve decided to write each day about gratitude. Every day I will give thanks to something important in my life. Since I’m a little late starting, I will post my thankful challenge for the first three days.

Thankful Challenge Day 1: My Littles

My Littles are everything to me. Since day one, they have changed my life for the better. Even though we met earlier than maybe we should have, they are gave my life reason. Reason for being, reason for living, reason for life. Each and every single day, I look forward to spending time with them and seeing them. I never knew I could love two people as much as I could love them.