She Stopped Believing

She stopped believing.

She stopped believing she could do whatever she puts her mind to.

She stopped believing that she was good enough.

She stopped believing fhat she was worth it.

That is what breaks my heart completely and hurts.

No matter what I try to boost her confidence or self-esteem, it never helps.

She doesn’t think she can do it or that she’s good enough.

I wish she would see herself like I see her. I see her as the beautiful, smart, generous, lively, unique, and creative little woman that she truly is. I see the spark in her that she can do whatever she puts her mind to. I look at her and can’t believe how special and unique she is and wonder what she will continue to make of herself.

She stopped believing.

In herself.

That is one of my greatest fears and I will do whatever I can do everyday to tey and help her believe in herself once again.


Hello Again

Hello all of you wonderful people that are reading this! I’ve missed you all so greatly and my fingers have literally been itching to write again since I haven’t been on here in about two months now, so here I am! I hope everyone has been well and I can’t wait to catch up with all of you.

Things have been changing, busy, and crazy, to say the least. But, I really am enjoying the ride. Let’s catch you all up on what’s been going on since I’ve been gone:

  1. Thanksgiving was amazing. I spent it with both of my Littles, like usual. We made a turkey and actually stuffed it! Ju-Ju Bean was very nervous and wouldn’t touch the turkey or stuffing for the life of her but Cruzier was extremely eager to help, in fact, he did most of the work for stuffing the turkey! It was a good Thanksgiving and good experience with lots of memories with my Littles.
  2. Christmas came and went. I tried my hardest to stay in the Christmas spirit and did for the most part. Towards the end, I was just ready for it to be done already. But both of my Littles had an amazing Christmas. In the Christmas spirit, we adopted one of our close family friends and her family. Ju-Ju Bean got everything ready for the girls in the family that we were adopting and Cruzier got everything ready for the boys in the family. They both had 2 people each they had to get everything for and pick out. It was such a great experience! The best part was seeing the family’s faces when they opened the gifts. We may have not been able to get tons of stuff for their family but we got some and the smile on their faces was the most rewarding part of it all.

    Merry Christmas Everyone!

  3. Cruzier turned 7!! I still can’t believe it. I remember still being pregnant with him and giving birth to him like it was just yesterday. It’s hard to believe that he is 7 years old now but I am so proud of the little man that he is becoming.
  4.  We are getting help for Ju-Ju Bean that is actually helping which has been a long time coming. Things are working out so well now, I honestly can’t believe it. Let’s hope it continues to help! *fingers crossed*
  5. Ju-Ju Bean started gymnastics for the first time! She absolutely loves it. Thankfully, she is doing it with her cousin who is in the same class with her so it will help her. She really is doing such a good job in it, I’m so proud of her. 12321236_1198054650223211_288135607670585486_n.jpg
  6. I just got a new job today! I have been filling out applications left and right, going to interviews constantly this week, and finally got the call back from the one I really wanted for a job offer. It’s amazing! I will be working at a nursing home as a Certified Nursing Assistant taking care of residents there. I can’t wait to start!
  7. I am actually happy and so are my Littles. I love it! Everything is working out so much right now, it’s kind of scary to feel this way without worrying that things won’t go to pieces soon. But I know that if you think negative, negative will happen. So I am trying to think positive and stay in the present which is totally new to me. But here’s to new thinking, new things, and a new life.
  8. As of this month, I have really been trying to get in shape finally. I have an amazing fitness partner along with a few other amazing people that are helping encourage and support me. I feel so much better now that I am starting to pick up healthy habits and change it into lifestyle changes. I hope I can continue this, as all of you know that it is hard for me to stick with something for a long time.

Catching up on Thankful Posts: 17-30

Honestly, as cheesy it sounds, for my thankful posts days 17-30, I am thankful for life itself. I am so very thankful that I still do have life and have been able to still be here on this wonderful world. Don’t get me wrong, life can be pretty crazy sometimes and have it’s moments. But all in all, it’s been pretty great to be able to experience everything that life has offered.

Thankful Challenge Days 12-16

I have been super busy honestly lately so I forgot about my Thankful Challenge Days for days 12-16 so I will post them now.

Day 12: I’m thankful for my books, music, and arts and crafts. They are my escape.

Day 13: I’m thankful for my best friends. Even though we may not see each other too often or anything, they mean a great deal to me.

Day 14: I’m thankful for coffee for that extra boost.

Day 15: I’m thankful for all the help I have gotten from my loved ones.

Day 16: I’m thankful for people coming together to help one another in the community.

Thankful Challenge Day 11: Girl Scouts & Boy Scouts

Today I am extremely thankful for Girl Scouts and Boy Scouts. Both have taken my Littles under their wing and helped them grow in different ways, especially with their confidence. Both of my Littles are learning so many new things that are valuable to them all because of being apart of Girl Scouts and Boy Scouts. I’m so thankful for them helping give my Littles these opportunities.

From a Mother Whose Littles Have Been Bullied

I look at my Littles and I can’t help but think of how they might have been now if they had never been bullied. I love my Littles through thick and thin, always and forever. There’s nothing that can ever change that. But there’s a small part of me that wonders what they would have been like if they had not been bullied in the previous years.

Before my daughter had been bullied, she used to talk to anyone and everyone with a second thought. While that scared me a little bit since there are so many strangers and others that could cause harm to her, she would make talk to others without really a second thought. It was very easy for her to make friends, in fact she thought everyone was her friend and played with everyone that she could. She would tell me about everyone she talked to and played with, about their lives, and what she learned from them. She was always so proud to have made a new friend. My daughter used to not care what anyone else thought of what she looked like, what she did, or what she said. She used to be her and there wasn’t anyone that could change her opinion about herself or “rain on her parade.” She knew what she liked and what she didn’t like, who she was, and what she was. Every single day, she would pick out a perfect outfit for herself that completely reflected her personality. It may not have matched to everyone else but it was her style and every clothing she picked out was a reflection of her. She would wear striped pants with a polka dot shirt, glitter jeans with a bright colored shirt, or a cute animal shirt with a skirt. It was her. Her style, her personality, her fashion. She loved it and so did her brother and I. I wished I could pull off the outfits she put together and rock it like she did.

Now, she’s changed. She’s not the same little free style, relaxed, fun loving big girl anymore.

She’s very cautious about what she wears, what she says, and what she does. Those outfits she used to wear are mostly long gone. Don’t get me wrong, she still wears cute outfits but she always stresses she has to make sure they match, are in style, and if anyone else likes them. With other littles, it’s a struggle for her majority of the time. It’s hard for her to make friends, speak to other littles, and play with them. She’s always worried about if they will like her or not like her and bully her, if she will get picked on, and what if she isn’t good enough to them. Anything she does, makes, or says now, is second guessed by herself on whether it’s good enough or not. She’s not confident in herself any more to say what’s on her mind, to do what she wants to do, or wear what she wants to wear. If there’s an idea or a problem she has, she doesn’t voice it until later when she’s alone with me.

She’s not the same little girl she was.

My son didn’t get bullied as much but it still has affected him in some ways. He used to have no problem making friends. Everyone and anyone was his friend, even the crossing guard and cashier at the store. He loved talking to everyone and making people laugh. He was always so excited about daycare, school, and even going to the store, simply because he could make friends and play with them.

Now, he’s different. He’s a different little boy.

He has a hard time making friends. He doesn’t just go up to other littles and adults and talk to them. He watches from a distance for a while and doesn’t really approach them. He’s not the same little friendly spunky big boy he used to be.

Both of my Littles have changed. Because of bullies. There’s no bringing back my spunky, free willed, fun loving, relaxed, outgoing Littles. They are forever changed.

I will always love them, always and forever. No matter how much they change or grow up, they will always be my Littles and in my heart. They will always be my life. It may take some time, like now, to get used to the new them and be able to help them with what they have gone through but I will always be there for them to help support, encourage, and love them.

At times I wish what they would have been like if they weren’t bullied. Would they still have no problem making friends? Would they be fun loving without a care in the world about what others thought of them? Would my daughter still be wearing the awesome outfits she used to pick out that fit her personality so well? Would they have confidence in themselves?

But then I remember that everything happens for a reason and no matter what, they are still my little babies and will always be my world. No matter what they go through or how much they grow up or change, I will always be there treasuring the moments. Every once in a while, like tonight at Girl Scouts for my daughter, I see little glimpses of her being her true self again and it almost makes me cry.


If you know your littles are getting bullied, please take it seriously and push to put a stop to it before it causes damage. If you know your littles are bullying others, please help them. It can cause damage to others that isn’t repairable completely.

Working My Way Up

As of yesterday, I have officially signed up for my last few classes of my last semester of college and applied to graduate this May! I’m so beyond proud and excited. I can’t believe that around this next May, I will have my Associates degree in Criminal Justice and will be ready to start on my career. I owe all of this to my Littles and my loved ones that have helped encourage and support me in my journey with college  Hopefully after I graduate this May, I can start my career helping children in their time of need at social services or a children’s group home and I can go back to college online for my Bachelor’s in Psychology to get even further in my career. I can’t wait to see where else I will end up on my journey with my education in my career!

Internship Journal: November 6th, 2015

At my internship today, I learned about respite care. I hadn’t really heard much about what it is or had any experience with it before today. From what I learned tonight about it, respite care is temporary care of dependant elderly, ill, handicapped, or children with challenges. Children can go to a foster home or a group home for respite care when the parents/caregivers need a break from the daily challenges of taking care of a child with challenges and behaviors. They go short term and are taken care of. When the group home I’m doing my internship at has open beds from children going to home visits on the weekends or have been reunited with their families/caregivers, they do respite care for other children. Children come there and stay the weekend until they go back home.

The group home had had a child come for the weekend earlier that day so I was able to learn more about what takes place with respite care and the procedures that go along with it. I was able to read the background on the child and was kind of amazed on the amount of information they had on the child. It was a very small packet, maybe 5 pages, of information on why he was in the state’s care and his medical record. That’s about it, which was shocking due to how much information the group home has on all the other children there.

I could tell right away after arriving that the child was having a very difficult time with the adjustment being there. I seen him throwing things at staff, punching things, and trying to escape out of the front door. He was yelling, screaming, and swearing at everyone. The staff there was very understanding but stayed firm about the boundaries and rules that had to be in place. They tried to calm him down by playing a board game with him, talking about his hobbies, and trying to get to know him. The child was not having it. He had started to warm up just a little bit but then, he started to fly off the wall again. When the other children got there after school, it only got worse and escalated. No matter how crazy things got, the staff remained calm and firm like the children need them to be in that type of environment. It was kind of refreshing in a way when the staff got pumpkins thrown at them, got kicked and punched, and got yelled and screamed at beyond belief, they stood their ground while remaining calm. It really helps the children when they do that because they know someone is there for them that cares but can also keep the structure, respect, and everything in check while they are there.

I had to leave early but I learned a lot of new information that can help me in going into this career field. I’m so happy to have this experience and can’t wait to see what else I will learn.

Thankful Challenge Day 10: Therapy

When I first started years ago when I was a child, I didn’t really understand the concept and thought it was weird going there to talk to someone about mh problems. It took me a long time to be able to open up but once I did, it helped me greatly and has still helped me to this day. I had stopped going to therapy for many years but have started going again for a while. I absolutely love it. It has helped me greatly in many different ways and I’m so thankful for it.