It’s Time For A Small Break

I’ve been taking a small break from writing recently and still currently. It’s been much needed for me. Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely love writing. It’s therapeutic to me in many ways. It’s just the right time for me to be taking a small break right now. I will be writing again soon but need to get back to a good place for myself first.

Toodles. Until we hear from each other sometime soon. My days will be full of reading, spending quality time with my littles and others, pushing through in school, tying to get back to myself, and centering myself. I hope your days are full of joy, life, and love.

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Remembering My Childhood

I had counseling today which has helped me so much! It may be weird to some, but I absolutely love going to counseling. It helps me in so many ways to talk to my counsler.

A big thing we talked about is my childhood. I feel lost about my childhood in a way and stuck. I don’t remember a lot from back then but the most of the things I do remember are things I don’t care to remember at all. I have bits and pieces of my childhood of the good things in my head but can’t piece everything together. When someone, like my littles, asks me something about my childhood most of the time I feel stupid because I can’t remember or don’t know. Like recently my littles asked me if my family ever had family night growing up when I was their ages or what we did on Christmas or if I was ever read a bed time story by my mom or dad or things like that, I have no clue. I don’t remember at all. I have scrapbooks for my littles and I. Both of my littles each have a scrapbook for ages birth – age 5 and one from 5 – and up. I have one as well for me. Theirs are pretty thick, at least the first ones are since they are 6 years old and 7 years old. I lost a lot of my pictures of them and cameras from moving so much but I found a lot on MySpace and Facebook on my profiles of them. Mine isn’t very thick at all. I have some pictures that I received from my grandma that are very special to me from me growing up that have helped me a lot. I love all those pictures. I just wish I could fill in the blanks to the areas in my life I don’t remember which is a lot. In counseling today we discussed this a lot. My counsler made a very good point. It may not matter exactly everything that happened in every single moment. No one can remember all of that. It’s okay to not have many memories of people that are important in your life, you just have to create new ones. My counseler did an excercise with me. She asked me what my littles and I had for dinner the night before. I told her we had tacos for dinner. She asked what ingredients did we use, how many did we have, when did we eat, how did we eat them, etc. I couldn’t remember all of that. She asked what the most important part of it was. I said that I spent time with my family eating dinner together which was the most important thing to me about it. Sometimes it’s okay that we don’t remember every single detail but that we remember the main important parts. I remember that I spent a lot of time with my sister Jessica and  my brothers Alex and Aaron. I remember watching X FILES. I remember watching Bananas in Pajamas. That was all quality time spent. I remember my sister and brother digging in the dumpster to find things to have our own garage sale in the front lawn of our apartment that we lived in. I remember the bond that my sister and brothers had. I remember getting a big black gorilla with a banana in its hand from Woodman’s in in the freezer section on top of the freezers. I loved that gorilla. I remember playing with my barbie sets in a cupboard in the dresser we had. I remember my sister playing with beanie babies and tricking my brother and I with them saying they came alive at night. I remember building a snowman with my sister and foster sister. I remember smelling the fresh bread that my foster mom was making. I remember playing barbies at her home. I remember all the American dolls. I remember my foster mom’s garden. I wanted a garden like that when I was older. I do have these memories and some more. My childhood was kind of messy. BUT I did spend a lot of quality time with people in my life that mean a lot to me, made a lot of treasuring moments, and can continue making more.

Worth It

I’m the one that goes through everything with my littles and sees everything with my littles.

I go through the violent temper tantrums even if they are about someone else and I get the blunt force of them. I go through the moments when one or both of my littles are full of sadness because someone at school is picking on them, someone in their lives let them down, or anything that makes them sad. I go through the moments when one of the littles is so mad, sad, and upset so my little just has a major blow out that includes punching, screaming, crying, throwing things, and everything else in between. I go through those moments about to pull out my hair and not knowing what to do exactly but realizing that when my little is acting out the most like that, it’s when my little needs the most attention and love. I go through my little crying asking why someone in her life doesn’t love her or like her. I go through severe separation anxiety with one of my littles who never wants to leave my side. I see all the uniqueness in my littles that makes them special and amazing but that others in school pick on them for. I see when my littles are starting to get worked up with anger or anxiety and have to step in as quickly as possible. I know my littles’ triggers so I try to prevent them as much as possible. I let my littles sleep in my bed with me and I hold them when they have a scary nightmare. I fix their boo-boos. I try to give them the life they deserve. I get my hair braided in little knots by my little that has a hard time falling asleep. I try everything in my power to help my littles before I have to put them on medications. I encourage my littles to do their best in everything. I’m that mom in the store trying to compromise with my little for the millionth time before I freak out. I try to encourage my littles to go to school and to make friends even though I want to scare all the littles that make fun and pick on my littles. I get food and any thing and everything else thrown at me when my little is having a complete melt down. Instead of checking under beds for monsters, I have to check to make sure the doors are locked completely and the windows are locked and check out the windows for bad strangers for my little. I have to get my little a emergency cell phone to help with anxiety even as little as my little is. I always have to try to keep it all together for my littles. I always have to try to keep a smile on my face for my littles, be positive for them, and try to keep it together for them.

Next time you see me with circles under my eyes, my hair absolutely crazy, me running around after my littles, hear me talking about putting my littles in a bubble to protect them from everything, watch me being so overly protective you wonder what is wrong with me, question yourself why I do what I do with my littles, see me watching my littles like a hawk, hear me speaking slowly to my littles before I freak out, or see me with tears in my eyes that don’t dare come out in front of my littles, smile and don’t judge me or my littles. I’m overtired, overstressed, and about to lose it but it’s all worth it. My littles mean the world to me.

Day #3 Of Trying New Things To Help My Littles

2/8/15
Day #3 Of Trying New Things To Help My Littles:

Yesterday I stayed up a long time looking up different things on Pinterest (life saver!!!) thar could help my littles with what they are both going through. I found a lot but wasn’t sure if any of it would work. I decided to try some things out anyways. It never hurts to try.

One thing we did was make calm down jars. We were looking for plastic jars with big openings but couldn’t find any so we used small canning jars. We put about half a bottle of glitter glue in the jar, filled the jar mostly up to the top but still had room for them to shake it, for my daughter we put little barbie figurines in them, for my son we put three little cars in them, some regular glitter, and a few drops of color dye in them. I super glued them shut after that. Now they are able to shake their jars when they are feeling angry, sad, nervous, etc and watch the glitter and the items in their jars settle to help calm them down!

We also made another thing that has helped both of my littles. We got some play dough and some balloons. They got to pick out the colors. I held open the balloons with my fingers and they put a ball of play dough inside of it. Then I opened another balloon and they put the balloon with the play dough in it in that one. Then I tied it up. When my littles are feeling nervous, angry, sad, etc they can hold their squishy ball and squeeze it to help them calm down.

Another thing was we put together calm down packages for both of them. We used small cloth covered bins and filled them with things to help calm them down with any big feelings they have. We put their calm down jars and their squishy balls in there along with a small notebook with a pen, a small coloring book with mess free markers, some healthy snacks, and a few small toys fort them.

We used their calm down packages in the car tonight and they really helped when my littles were having some big feelings that they didn’t know how to express or release.

Full Day #1 Of Trying New Things To Help My Littles

2/6/15
Full Day #1 Of Trying New Things To Help My Littles:

This whole week my son has came home with reports of bad choices, fights, lots of anger, etc. Except today!!!! What we tried this morning helped a million.

Now here is what we tried:
We all had a shake with vanilla whey, banana, and milk in it to get enough protein and show my son he isn’t alone in this. Both littles loved it!

Both littles had their new daily vitamins. They love them since they are chewy and yummy.

My son had a new herbal supplement. It’s called Focus For Children. It’s grape and chewable. He took it no problem.

We used our essential oil calming mix diluted with water body spray on both littles. They like the smell.

I was super nervous picking my littles up from school but when I did, my son told me that he had a great day with no bad choices and no accidents. I double checked his behavior notebook and yup, sure enough, he had an amazing day!! He had no issues, no fights, no accident, or anything!! I’m so proud of him!! We got this!!

Evening #1 Of Trying New Things To Help My Littles

2/5/2015
Evening #1 Of Trying New Things To Help My Littles:

Tonight we tried a essential oils blend diluted and one of a massage before bed. He did not fight or have a major melt down like normal. It really helped even a small bit. I could see a small improvement in him.

I’ve heard from other parents and a doctor about giving a little with ADHD some caffeine such as coffee and that it will have a reverse effect that it has on someone without ADHD. If given to a little with ADHD it will help calm them and help them to focus. I was kind of skeptical at first but we tried a small glass of coffee with creamer in it with my son tonight. He only drank half of it which was completely fine with me since I don’t want him to have a lot since it can have side effects. I was observing him for a while after he had it and I could actually see him start to calm down. He wasn’t yelling or hitting or freaking out or anything even when something triggered him. I talked with him when we were laying down for bed. He told me that he liked the coffee because it helped his head not spin. I asked what he meant about his head spin. He said that his head spins sometimes and he gets crazy. He said that he liked the coffee because he wanted to relax and it helped him. So I think I will do some more research and talk with his doctor about the coffee and see how often he can have it etc because I don’t want him having any side effects.

I’m so glad that we are getting to the bottom of this for the better of my son. It can only go up from here.

Creativity At It’s Finest

My daughter is the most creative person I know.

I just walked past her room and peaked my head in.

Before she went to bed finally, I guess she decided to redecorate her wall by her bed. Instead of just her posters and wall stickers being up like normally by her bed, she has hung up her purse, her favorite dress, her lanyard with key chains, her mini puppy cage with the puppy inside of it, and pretty pictures she drew. All hung up by the nails that were already in her wall from the posters. Her favorite dress is hanging up pretty high on her wall in the air hooked on to a nail.

Ju-Ju Bean has the best imagination and decor skills that I have ever seen. She may have to decorate my room.
#loveher #creativealltheway #dontknowwhoshegetsitfrom

Miko Angelo Aquino

After a long hard labor and birth, my youngest nephew was born this morning at 6:07. I was so blessed to be there and witness the beauty in pregnancy and birth, help support my sister, and be involved in this beautiful joyous moment in my sister’s life. My nephew is so beautiful with a small stubborn streak from our family. He is the most precious baby.

Meet Miko Angelo Aquino!
7 pounds 9 ounces
21 inches

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