So lately I’ve been trying to do a more positive gentle approach to my littles since nothing else has been working and a positive gentle approach is the parenting way I want to do. I’ve been making small steps and have seen some improvements. Especially last night.
My son, Little #2, was having a good night since he just came back from visiting with their father for the day until around bed time. He started having the biggest meltdown. It included him screaming, yelling, crying, getting into my face, climbing all over me, hitting me, punching me, pinching me, slamming his door, etc. I normally would have yelled completely at him and made him go to his room until he could be nice and apologize to me.
Instead I took a different approach. I talked calmly, let him know his actions were hurting me physically, told him how I was feeling, asked how he was feeling, talked about our feelings, talked with him about finding a safe spot for him to calm down and rethink his actions, helped him find one without making him be excluded from us, let him feel his big feelings, let him think, let him make choices himself, made sure I let him know I am here for him, and let him calm down his way.
At first, I was in doubt about it working. I really was. I thought I was being too soft and not a good parent and was letting him get away with his behavior. He went to his safe spot and was still yelling and screaming. I went in there a few times to remind him that I’m there for him and that if he wants to talk, I’m here. That went on for a bit.
Then, I started hearing it come to a slow stop. I peeked my head in for just a moment very quietly and seen him sitting down on his ground in his room reading a book. He calmed himself down! I was amazed! I went and laid down in my bed with my other little and waited for him. When he was ready, he knew that he could come talk to me when his heart was in a good place when he was calmer. I closed my eyes for a few minutes and heard someone coming close to my bed and myself. I opened my eyes and it was him. I didn’t have to say anything at first. He was looking at me, gave me the biggest hug ever, apologized for his behavior, told me how much he loved me, I told him I accepted his apology, that I was so proud of him, talked more about feelings, and ended the night with cuddling to go to sleep to our relaxation sounds together.
This was a huge step for us and I couldn’t be more proud! I know this is the right parenting approach that will work for my family and I can’t wait to see more improvements!