Parenting Styles – Positive Parenting

I’m in a struggle right now trying to figure out a parenting style that I want to parent my littles and actually doing it. It may not seem big to you, but it’s huge for me. I’ve always been scared that I have no clue what to do as a parent but I now have at least some confidence in myself as a parent. I will admit to the fullest though that I need to work on a lot in the parenting department and I’m trying my hardest to.

I never knew there were different exact parenting styles when I had my littles or when they were younger. Just like I didn’t know about baby wearing, making home made baby food, food dyes, etc. I wish I did but I didn’t know anyone that did or seemed to care about any of those things.

I’ve been added to a bunch of parenting groups on Facebook that range from RIE parenting, positive parenting, attachment parenting, etc. I’ve been on the groups for a while. I read posts all the time and comment sometimes. I’ve even asked for advice on parenting. I have picked some things from each parenting style that I believe in and do already or am learning about and trying to do. I know what I believe in and know how I want to parent but I’m stuck on actually learning it and doing it. The one parenting style that I really follow, enjoy, and have learned a lot from is positive parenting. That’s the parenting style I want to do but I have no clue on how to learn it and do it! I don’t know anyone that does positive parenting, that knows about it, or that grew up with it.

If you know anything about positive parenting, teach me! Pretty please!!

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12 thoughts on “Parenting Styles – Positive Parenting

  1. marlab412 says:

    Positive parenting is really hard because we want so desperately to raise emotionally healthy children and it is hard to contain our anger and frustrations at time. Plus it isn’t an instinct for you if you weren’t raised that way :/ Basically, start off by focusing on trying to calmly handle things without getting angry yourself (easier said than done). Also, remember, there is always a reason for why your child did something you didn’t like or won’t do something you want them to do. Listen to them. Ask them why they did it or won’t do what you want. They may have a valid reason! Your children want more than anything to be heard….just like you right? Try to think about the respect you want from everyone and that is just the same as what they want. We talk out feelings constantly and it gets exhausting but this helps. Trust me 🙂 Questions about anything else specific? I am no expert but may be able to help 😉

    Liked by 1 person

    • TheMommyDiaries says:

      Thank you so much. That helps a ton. It is definitely not a instinct if you weren’t raised that way and were with abuse, yelling, screaming, having to eat soap, getting your hair shaved, getting best, and being in the corner kneeling on your knees for hours even after your knees bled. We’ve been talking about feelings a lot and that is helping. I do really need to try and get a handle in my anger and such before I react which is so very hard indeed. A big problem we are having is when my son when he gets mad about wanting his dad and not being able to have him. When he gets mad he starts hitting me, punching me, yelling, screaming, biting, etc but it’s all at me mostly and a little his sister. When it’s like that, it’s absolutely horrible. Nothing works or helps. It starts so quickly and mostly after he already is doing one of those things before I have a chance to talk to him. When he does these things, I try to get him to go somewhere he feels calm and safe to calm down. But getting him to actually go somewhere is the worst because he is almost 6 and strong and I can’t lift him anymore really. He won’t go or do anything except beat me up or do those things to a me when he is mad like that unless I physically bring him somewhere to his room or something. How would you handle him while he is doing those things and what would you do afterwards with him as a peaceful parent? I’ve always done rewards if they do something good because that’s what I seen being raised thst would happen to my little sisters. So we’ve done sticker charts and such but now every time he does something good, he wants a sticker or a rewards and blows up if he doesn’t get it too. How does positive parenting do with rewards? What do you do when they do something wrong like the hitting, yelling, etc? How do you stay consistent?

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      • marlab412 says:

        Here we go again!
        So yes, that is VERY difficult. I have had this challenge with my own too! My 10 yr old has gotten a lot better because of maturity as well as us learning how to help him control his anger as well. My 5 yr old does this too when he is mad. One thing to point out is that I have noticed it more if they are over-tired and/or hungry so try seeing if it often coincides with these things 🙂 So how I would handle it? With mine, I try to empathize with them. They want to hear that you understand how they feel and that you are listening to them. They want your complete attention. I try to offer comfort by hugging as well but sometimes he is not receptive to it so I let him be, letting him know I am here when he is ready for it. He usually comes within a few minutes and then we are able to calm down. Sometimes I have had to say that I can’t allow him to hurt us and if he is unable to be in the room with us without trying to do so, we leave depending on the circumstance (if it is feasible without upsetting the others) or ask him to leave. I have had to remove him myself telling him he is welcome back when he can be with us without hurting and treating us badly. Maybe see if Molly can help calm him? Aaron likes to hold and pet our cat when he is mad but only allowed if he can stay gentle. After the storm blows over we talk about what happened and how we can make things better and what not. Then I point out what he did hurtful and what the other person involved did only so we can talk it out. not to blame or shame but to talk about what he and whoever else could have done instead. The main thing here is to try to calm him however you can. After he is calm, and only after he and you are both calm, do you talk about what happened before and during the explosion. I try not to send mine away alone if I can help it because that only makes it worse because he will feel alone and unheard or uncared for. Does this make sense? More then anything, they want your recognition of their feelings and to feel listened to.

        Liked by 1 person

      • TheMommyDiaries says:

        Wow all that makes total complete sense! Thank you so much for all of that. I think I will try that! I think the over tired and hungry does play into it as well. Might be a stupid question, but how do you empathize? Show them that you care and are listening? Molly does help out majorly when he is like this, thank goodness. All of that makes total sense! Thank you so much!

        Liked by 1 person

      • marlab412 says:

        oh yes, and as far as rewarding….I don’t do it but on the out of the blue occasion, I will, just to do something nice for them. I have done rewards in the past and noticed they were only motivated by the reward and would get frustrated when i didn’t give them one when they thought they should get one. It became an obsession for them. I wanted them do do the right thing because it’s the right thing to do, not because of a reward. It is hard though! Rewards are everywhere in life! I think we deserve rewards for things too! I will offer them pay if they will do out of the ordinary chores around the house. LIke if I ask them to help me fold laundry that isn’t theirs, I will pay them (not much lol) but that is earning money like in real life 🙂 Does this make sense? As far as letting them know we think they did good, I will point it out by saying something like “I can see you are being so sweet to Max and you are really trying to include him” or “Thank you so much for remembering to take your plate to the sink”. THey probably rather have your appreciation and recognition anyway in the long run 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  2. marlab412 says:

    Empathize by saying ” Honey, I understand you are upset because……(whatever he is mad about). I wouldn’t like that either.” or “it hurt your feelings when (whatever happened that hurt him)”. SO for example, Aaron gets mad because Max scribbled on his paper…”Aaron, I would be mad too if he did that to me. You worked so hard on it and he came and scribbled on it and messed it up. How can we let him know that without hurting him back?” . Aaron might even say he wants to hurt him lol. It’s natural because he is upset and still learning how to work through his feelings. I then would say “Aaron, I understand that because you are angry and you want him to pay but that’s not going to fix the problem. Lets let him know that you didn’t like that he did that and that he wouldn’t like it if someone did that to him. Lets ask him to help make it better”. I then get Max involved too. It doesn’t always go great but its the effort you put into it that counts. Try not to say, “I know you are upset but you can’t behave this way”. Try to at the moment point out that you understand and lets figure out how to work it out”. It’s much easier said then done….trust me, I know lol because we all have our limits and moments of frustration and exhaustion. You can only do the best you can and hope it’s enough!

    Liked by 1 person

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