A Letter to Myself to Read on New Year’s Eve 2015

You should know that you are an amazing young beautiful smart woman. You are more capable than you ever thought. Life has its ups and downs but you have to push through. All of that is part of life. There is going to be sadness, madness, joy, excitement, hard times, etc and times may get to you. If you are feeling sad, feel it. Let it out. If you are mad, feel it. Let it out. If you are happy, feel it. Let it out. With every feeling, feel it and let it out. Live in the moment to the fullest. But make sure you pick yourself up and continue on your journey in life. Live every single day to the fullest and in the moment. Always remember what you learned at the Grounded and Moving workshop. For a reminder, check your scrapbook. Your littles’ father is doing the best he can. Give him some credit. He has really stepped up and grew up. Give him praise and be thankful. Stop pushing him away. Give yourself some credit as well. You are doing good. Could be doing better in certain areas but you are getting some help and you should be so proud of yourself for that. Always remember your littles are just that, littles. Give them some credit and slack. They are doing the best they can for the ages that they are and for the given circumstances. Remember that they helped save your life for the better and help you mature and grow. It is not your job to mold them into who you want them to be. It is your job to help raise them, believe in them, inspire them, help them grow, teach them, and love them no matter what. Stop pushing every one away. It does no good at all. You can’t punish them for other people’s actions or words. Not everyone is going to hurt you or run away or leave. Some may stay for a moment or a life time. Some may leave. Either way, it is apart of life. Some people stay, some people go. Each has a life lesson to teach you. It’s the part of how you handle it and get back up that matters the most. Don’t live in the past any longer. It does no good what so ever. When you live in the past, you become full of anger, sadness, jealousy, hurt, and meanness. You push everyone away. You be mean to everyone, including the ones closet to you. You hurt people before they can hurt you which causes both of you a lot of pain. You punish people that did nothing to you. You ruin a lot of relationships. The past is the past. There might have been times when you were a victim in your past. But you are not one anymore. You are a survivor. And it’s time to live the in the moment, not the past or the future. It is okay to be wrong at times even though you hate it. You can’t know every thing. It’s okay to be open to new ideas and new ways. It’s okay to be wrong and important to to apologize. That’s a big step but a very important one, no matter who criticizes you for it. It’s a major step to accept that you were wrong or did wrong, and to own up to it. Especially a big step for you. Be thankful for everyone and everything in your life, even the people that have done you wrong and the things that you regret or have changed your life. Without them, you wouldn’t be the woman you are today. Always remember taking your Drugs and Society class at Blackhawk this past semester and what you learned and overcame because of that class. People may make mistakes but you can’t hold that against them. They aren’t the same person they were in the past. Some may be, but your mom isn’t. It was very good of you to forgive her like you did. Always remember that you did and the things you learned the next time you have a dream about what happened in the past again before you get all mad and sad living in the past again. You are exactly where you are supposed to be in life at this time. It’s okay to dream of where you want to be in life right now. But it will be your time sometime soon. Right now, just laugh, cry, enjoy, and live in the moment for yourself. Believe in yourself. You have a lot of greatness inside of you. You will do great things. Continue writing your heart out. Be careful with how you write though so you don’t hurt anyone. Communication is key to every relationship. Even with sister’s, brother’s, mom’s, love relationships, etc. Communication matters. No one can read your mind. If you have something to say, say it before it’s too late. It’s good to stand up for what you believe. Never push it onto some one else though. Every one has their own beliefs and that’s just fine. Friendships and relationships can be difficult if you always have high expectations of them because of everything you would and have done for them. If you need or want them to be there for you when you have a loss in your life, a big moment in your life, or just need their presence, let them know. They can’t read your mind or see between the lines. They won’t know if you don’t tell them. Maybe they can’t be there for you physically, but most likely they can be there for you emotionally as much as possible. Think of yourself as a pie. Some people may not be able to handle all of you. Some people may be your friend, but you guys aren’t little friends or love relationship friends or work friends and that’s just fine. Not everyone can handle everything you have to offer and may not be your friend in exactly the same way and that’s just fine. It’s good to have strong beliefs but be careful not to push everyone on someone because it might hurt them. Stop getting to caught up with life that you stop appreciating life and noticing the beauty in life. You are certain that if you take your grief and you hold on tight to it, it multiplies and divides and soon conquers you so that it wins a war that was never meant to be started. It’s okay to grieve. You can grieve for however long after after the loss as you want and you can grieve in whatever way you see fit. But you must get right back up afterwards and continue pushing through in life. Just because someone is gone on this earth, doesn’t mean that they are completely gone from your life. They are watching over you, cheering you on, and on your side. It is never “goodbye,” it is always “until we see each other again.” You are sure that tomorrow is not guaranteed and that too many people wait so long to say something, feel something, or go someplace. Too damn long. Never be one of those people again. The bad stuff is easier to believe. But it doesn’t mean that the good stuff isn’t right. Just means to find your worth. It’s okay to take some time for yourself. You need it to keep going on. You need it to say “yes, I’m alive and I can do it again.” Pick out a spot and take a least 5 minutes to yourself. A spot only for yourself, your only place for a few minutes or longer for time for yourself. Only yourself. Silence your phone, ignore all the world as long as your littles are safe, and take this time to put your world back together again and keep yourself sane. Read, pray, talk to yourself, listen to a song, think, scrapbook, do whatever your heart desires in these moments. Just always tell yourself “Yes, I’m alive and I can do it again.” Get organized. Smile. Give back. Approach things with 0% hesitation and 100% fearlessness. Live life. Get close to your family. Happiness starts with yourself. You’re going places. Find peace. Simplify your life. Volunteer. Be healthy. Have a game plan and a backup plan. Get up and go. Be a new you.

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