My Older Sister

As I’m sitting here currently at the hospital with my older sister, I can’t help but think of how amazed I am with her.

She is one of the strongest women I know in most every way. She has been through so much but still stands strong trying her hardest.

In every moment, she is thinking of there above herself. She would give the clothes off her back for others. No matter what we go through, she is there for me and people that mean a lot to her. Even in labor, she is worried about others close to her.

My sister is one of the funniest people ever. She is constantly making jokes and being the fun person, especially in labor. Everyone knows that when they need someone to help make them laugh and get out of a funk, they can count on her to do the job.

She is one of the best mom’s around to her littles. It’s always about them and what they need for the better of them. She tries to put them first as much as possible.

Adventures on the Public Bus

Since last month, I’ve been having to ride the public bus in town to get to school and where I need to go since my car was totaled in a wreck.

I have noticed a lot since I’ve started riding the public bus.

I’ve noticed that some people think it’s acceptable to “pet” other’s hair.. This has happened to me twice now. I was sitting in a seat facing forward looking out the front window of the bus towards the middle of the bus both times. My hair was down the first time. I then felt someone touching my hair a few times in a row. Now me, who hates being touched and having my hair touched, kind of freaked out. I tried not to but I happened to say “what the f***” because I was freaked out and shocked and turned around to see who it was. It was a little tiny woman that was maybe in her 60’s or 70’s. When I turned around at her, she happened to be smiling at me and had her hand still out. I tried not to freak out so I smiled and moved seats. The second time, it was a man that “petted” my hair. He even said it was soft. Again, I was shocked and said “what the f***,” looked back, and moved seats. Maybe I’m the only one that knows that we shouldn’t be just going around “petting” other’s hair.

I have witnessed a few people picking their noses and instead of eating their new treat that they found on their fingers after picking their noses like littles do, they decided to either put it on the seat next to them or under their seat. Otherwise, I’ve always seen two people wiping their new little treat on the person sitting next to them when they were turned. Talk about being disgusted.

I’ve seen others treat others differently based on the color of their skin. I thought maybe it was because of them judging the person maybe on what they were wearing or because they knew the person and didn’t like them.. but then I heard a few times people saying things such as “don’t you dare come near me n*****” and someone voicing their ignorant concern about having someone that looks, in their loud vocal opinion, from Afghanistan and could be someone that would be a terrorist. I don’t agree with any of that ignorant crap so I let the person that they were saying that about sit next to me.

I have seen people laugh at a innocent older man that fell in the snow as we drove past them. I was heart broken and wanted to stop to help them.

I have seen a young mother get on the bus with her two young littles in their double stroller in the winter after walking for a while in the cold. The young mother amazed me because she was calm and collected, nurturing to her littles, and loving. It just amazed me because I used to have to walk around with my littles when they were little and had to take the bus before and was so irritated and stressed with everything that I wasn’t nearly as calm or nurturing as that mother was.

I have to get on the bus in a few minutes to get home from school. Now I wonder what other adventures I will see on the bus. Wish me luck.

Career Field

I’m learning so much in my classes I’m taking this semester that I know I’m exactly where I’m meant to be for a career field that I will be going into. All my teachers are in the fields that they are teaching about or have been in that field in the past. They share a bunch of real life stories, understand what we are going to go through in the career fields, and connect with us on a whole new level. So thankful for this career field and all the amazing teachers.

Laws

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Something that I have been learning a lot about in the classes I am in this semester is about laws such as why we have them, how would it be without them, and the importance of them.

Could you imagine life without laws?

I personally can’t. Laws are around the set the standard for others and keep society in check. Laws tell us what we can do and can’t do. They help make keep our society functioning.

Imagine going to Mexico or Iraq or somewhere similar. They don’t have laws like us. It is chaos all the time there. Even if someone robs you in Mexico and you call the police, maybe one police officer would show up many hours later or the next day and not even care. They don’t care over there. There is so much crime that they can’t simply keep a handle on all of it. There are robbing, murdering, shooting, etc. going on constantly and no one is doing anything about it. It’s you for yourself. You have to stand up for yourself and can’t call on the police to come help or anything.

I honestly couldn’t imagine living any where else than the United States. Yes, there a bunch of laws that every one has to follow that can be a pain sometimes and some people don’t care about the laws at all, but without the laws here, society would be complete chaos. There would be robbing, shooting, hurting others, sexual assault, murders, etc. constantly all over. We wouldn’t be able to let our little’s out of our sight at all.

The laws are set in place to protect others, set a standard for society to follow, and help keep society in check.

Pray For Us

Things at home have been hard lately. I’m not completely sure on how to handle everything. There is so much anger, sadness, jealousy, hurt, and depression. My littles are feeling all of this lately and I have no idea how to handle all of it or get it to go away. Therapy has been much needed and thank goodness that we are going tomorrow!

Please pray for my family that things will get better for us! Something has to give sometime soon.

Can’t Let Go

I thought things were going good. I thought we were on the same page and going for the same thing: a team as parents for our littles and working on things for us all to be together again as a family.

I guess I was wrong though.

Everyone is telling me my littles and I deserve better. They are telling me to let go and move on. They are telling me that some other man is out there for me just waiting to meet me and will treat my littles and I the way we are supposed to be treated.

But I can’t let go. I can’t give up yet.

I have to try my hardest so when my littles ask when they get older, I can tell them I tried with all my might to keep us together as a family. That I tried to give them the family they deserve and so desperately want. That I tried to give us all what we want and deserve.

A Major Improvement For My Family

So lately I’ve been trying to do a more positive gentle approach to my littles since nothing else has been working and a positive gentle approach is the parenting way I want to do. I’ve been making small steps and have seen some improvements. Especially last night.  

My son, Little #2, was having a good night since he just came back from visiting with their father for the day until around bed time. He started having the biggest meltdown. It included him screaming, yelling, crying, getting into my face, climbing all over me, hitting me, punching me, pinching me, slamming his door, etc. I normally would have yelled completely at him and made him go to his room until he could be nice and apologize to me.

Instead I took a different approach. I talked calmly, let him know his actions were hurting me physically, told him how I was feeling, asked how he was feeling, talked about our feelings, talked with him about finding a safe spot for him to calm down and rethink his actions, helped him find one without making him be excluded from us, let him feel his big feelings, let him think, let him make choices himself, made sure I let him know I am here for him, and let him calm down his way.

At first, I was in doubt about it working. I really was. I thought I was being too soft and not a good parent and was letting him get away with his behavior. He went to his safe spot and was still yelling and screaming. I went in there a few times to remind him that I’m there for him and that if he wants to talk, I’m here. That went on for a bit.

Then, I started hearing it come to a slow stop. I peeked my head in for just a moment very quietly and seen him sitting down on his ground in his room reading a book. He calmed himself down! I was amazed! I went and laid down in my bed with my other little and waited for him. When he was ready, he knew that he could come talk to me when his heart was in a good place when he was calmer. I closed my eyes for a few minutes and heard someone coming close to my bed and myself. I opened my eyes and it was him. I didn’t have to say anything at first. He was looking at me, gave me the biggest hug ever, apologized for his behavior, told me how much he loved me, I told him I accepted his apology, that I was so proud of him, talked more about feelings, and ended the night with cuddling to go to sleep to our relaxation sounds together.

This was a huge step for us and I couldn’t be more proud! I know this is the right parenting approach that will work for my family and I can’t wait to see more improvements!

Amazed on the Bus

Today I was amazed by something so simple. I was on the bus to go home from school. We were pulling up to a bus stop on a busy road that is across from my littles old daycare. I looked out the window and seen a young woman with one little girl in a stroller and a little boy next to the woman. They got on the bus and sat in front a seat away from me. The young woman was so gentle, soothing, and nurturing to the littles. The littles started looking at me so I commented on how cute they are. The young woman and I talked a little bit. They are her littles and are 3 years old and 2 years old. They were such cute kids and she was such a good mom.

Normally I don’t talk to anyone on the bus or pay attention to anyone. This time I just felt a need to talk to this woman. She was so nice and such a good mom. It was very nice to see a mom be like that with her littles when I am trying to be like more gentle and positive parenting with my littles.