Breaking Point Reached

Sometimes we have those moments. Those moments when we freak out and lose it. Those moments when we have no clue what to do and are lost. Those moments when we want to pull out all our hair, scream, and lose control.

I had one of those moments today.

Both littles had been being horrible, of course after all the arts and crafts we did from Christmas. We got a ride to Walmart and the library to get some temporary hair dye for temporary highlights for my littles’ hair as meeting in the middle with them since they both want to dye their hair. We met in the middle with their dad over the phone and agreed that they could get temporary highlights in their hair that lasts a day or a few days in fun colors like pink and blue like they wanted.

But then it started. One couldn’t find their hat. One couldn’t understand why we don’t hit each other and kept hitting. One couldn’t understand why we can’t touch everything in the store. One couldn’t understand why we couldn’t have everything in the whole store that moment. One thought it would be fun to grab things off the shelves and put them all in the cart before I could see until we were about to leave. One couldn’t understand anything that was coming out of my mouth, such as stop, don’t touch that, or knock it off before you’re grounded for life. One couldn’t understand why the world doesn’t revolve around them at all periods of time. One couldn’t understand why someone was walking out and thought that someone was leaving us there to walk home. One was thinking they are the boss of the whole world. One was getting to realize that we were being rushed so was freaking out themselves.

I had had it. Completely. Couldn’t take it anymore.

Then I burst.
As we got home.
I lost it.

I was completely tired of being at the end of one of my littles blunt aggressive anger period in my little’s life that I always feel the wrath of unlike other people except my other little that gets it too. I get beat up on, kicked, punched, bit, screamed at, yelled at, the doors slammed in my face, things thrown at me, etc. All this constant anger, sadness, and frustration is all built up in my little almost 6 year old. All because my little wants their dad permanently. I don’t blame my little and I try to help as much as possible with feelings, talking things out, and spending more time with each other but nothing helps because my little only wants one thing. Their dad. And no matter what I do, I can’t make him live here again right this instant to help my little or anything. I’ve talked with their dad to figure something out numerous times and now we are taking it slow and getting things about ourselves working out first and maybe in a couple months we can live together again focusing on our littles. Couple months feel like a lifetime dealing with all this especially to my littles but they don’t know the plans of this just in case it doesn’t work. But their dad has been stepping up majorly and helping. It helps a lot but doesn’t fix the problem because he’s not here yet for our littles living here and can’t see them every day because of work. It’s so hard to be at the end of my littles anger and it all be directed towards me. I’ll admit I could have handled things way better with their dad and done a lot of things differently with their dad so it didn’t end up the way it did. This time, it was majority my fault with him not being here. Every time we got in a argument which was a lot of the time, I’d threaten for him to have to leave and move out. Mainly because that’s what I seen in my life happen if things didn’t work out between people in relationships and parents. Also mainly because I didn’t want to be left and left hurting so it was easier just to try and make him leave myself. At least I thought so at the time. I didn’t realize what was at stake, how much I messed up everything, and how much I truly loved him until the last straw with me made him move because I kicked him out for the last time. I understand this is my fault. I understand that it has hurt all of us, especially our littles. I understand the effect it has had on all of us. I understand that my littles are mad at me for it and so was their dad and I was mad at myself too. I understand this is why my little is acting out majorly. If I could I’d take it all back and redo it better than ever.

One of my littles was pushing me and screaming at me because I am the worst mom ever, which I tend to disagree.

I pushed my little back. Not very hard. But enough for him to fall back on their bottom.
I screamed.
I threw a big fit.
Just like both of my littles do.
I kicked my feet.
I threw up my arms and threw them all around.
I didn’t listen to anything they were saying.
I told one that they were grounded to their room the rest of the night until they checked their attitude.
I told one to clean up their mess from earlier that they wouldn’t clean up at all.

I scared them. And myself. Seeing my littles look at me like that scared myself more than ever before.

They actually listened though to the last two things I told them to do: one stay in room until checked their attitude and one clean up their mess that they were told 10 times to do.

I had just finished yelling and freaking out and just sat down to breath for a moment when a miracle happened.

Their dad knocked at the front door and walked in.
Just when he was very much needed.
He seen me, knew something was wrong, and called both littles to him.
He talked to them about plans all the sudden for them to come with him to the shop while he quickly fixes a car and for them to come over to his house and sleep over.
He helped them get ready.
He helped them do what they needed to do.
He helped.
He came to the rescue even though he didn’t know he was needed at that exact moment.

So thankful for their dad even though we have our moments.

He talked with our littles later after I messaged him and told him what happened. He helped explain that I reached my breaking point because of their behavior and my fault as well and sometimes people reach their breaking point and do things they don’t mean. He explained that it won’t happen again to the point it did.

I talked with him afterwards and apologized. He understood and so did our littles.

I will admit I freaked out and reached my breaking point. I will admit I scared my littles and myself.

But I will also promise I will not let it get like that again. I promise I will learn how to soothe myself and calm myself down during a time like this. I will read books on parenting to better my parenting with my littles.

I will do better.
I promise my littles and myself that.


7 thoughts on “Breaking Point Reached

  1. Matriarch of Nerds says:

    I’ve been a parent of four for almost 19 years now. I can’t tell you how many “breaking points” I’ve had in my time as a mom, especially with my two boys (3 and 9). They just frustrate me to no end sometimes. I’d give you a big hug if I could.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Theresa Cox says:

    I remember when my youngest was about 2 and every time we went in the store she grabbed a basket and started putting things in. Anything. Whatever she could hold in her little hands. I just let her have a go at it and marveled at what her little mind might be thinking. It was a Kodak moment. Pretty soon it got too heavy for her to carry and she put it down while wincing a little. She tried it a couple more times, but pretty soon lost interest. I know kids want to touch everything. It’s part of the experience of feeling, touching, learning. Including learning that they can’t lift as much as they want, and they can’t pay for it.

    Next time maybe take one at a time to the store and if they have those little kid size shopper carts, let them fill up to their delights. When you get to the register and they need to pay but don’t have the money, you could console them saying something reassuring like, “well maybe next time you will have some money, but we will have to put these things back for now. Shall we ask the nice lady to put them back for us?” Or “maybe you can do some chores at home to earn a little money to pay for something next time we come to the store.” If the child cries, keep on going. He’ll put two and two together.

    I know it is hard, but it somehow give them a feeling of empowerment, and responsibility. What would they think if they got a different response from you instead of the usual? Touching and wanting for them is part of the gig. It’s part of growing up and learning their limitations. Of course, we have to set the guidelines.

    So when you are ready to wrench their lovable little necks, count to 5. Just long enough to realize that you need a break..from them. A time out is in order for mom. No matter where you are. If they are causing too much fuss in the store, leave saying ‘mommy needs a time out.”

    This strategy has to be implemented over and over, if other patterns have set it. So be patient with yourself if you are really trying to see a change for all of you.

    Kids love to be in the store, and definitely want your attention especially when you are concentrating on getting time limited essential chores done for yourself. So if you don’t have a babysitter, have an alternative.

    Best of luck to you.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Theresa Cox says:

    One more comment about your little ones. Forget what you learned as you grew up. It’s a different ball game, and different decade and we know more now that we did then. First of all, children will test every ounce of human patience you have. It’s their job.

    When children are born, they cry when they need something. Diapers changed, food, warmth, comfort. And they get what they want, right. That is their only way of communication at that time. As they grow older, they need to learn other ways of communicating and without your help they will not. They don’t know the rules of the road. They don’t know swear words. They don’t know anything but what they are taught, whether by example or with words.

    So if you look at a famous world renowned behavioral Psychologist, Pavlov, he taught dogs how to respond the way he wanted by rewarding good behavior with encouragement, or a doggie bite. And discouraging unacceptable behavior with no encouragement, or no doggie bite. They learned that with good behavior they get more of what they want, and with bad behavior they didn’t get what they wanted at all. This works with people also. Encouragement can be as simple as recognition of a job well done. Good job. A hug. a thank you. Think about how you like to be treated at work. We all like recognition that we are on the right track and contributing.

    Kids are the same. From a young age they can contribute to a single household by setting the table, helping with laundry (even if it’s just putting the soap in), folding towels, whatever is age appropriate. Small things make big differences. But you have to be happy with however they do it after you show them how in the first place. And does it really matter how towels are folded, anyway? The important thing is to recognize their contributions.

    So much for encouragement at the moment. Reducing bad behavior. Remember these littles are just kids. You are smarter that them, you know you are. They may have more stamina, but they need guidelines to make your life bearable. You always need to outsmart the kids. Or rather outhink them. So let’s take an example of cleaning their room. Can you shut the door to their room? Do they help make their bed or change the sheets? Make a ritual out of it. No little #1 and little #2 can’t play right now, we’re having family time. Hey, family time can be listening to music and changing sheets. After that, when the room is strewn with dirty clothes that didn’t make it into the laundry basket, I guess they just have to find something dirty to wear from the floor. This is not a reflection on you. When you kids stink because of dirty clothes, you can tell teachers and friends, “Little Johnny didn’t put his clothes in the laundry basket, so I didn’t even know they were dirty. Right Johnny? Maybe he’ll remember next time.” If he does’t, you can be sure his teacher and friends will let him know he stinks.

    Enough for now, and don’t forget about mommy time outs. You need them for the really tough times, which are yet to come. You can do it.

    Liked by 1 person

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