There are times in life when all I want to do is cry my eyes out, throw the biggest fit, yell and scream as loud as I can, and express all the emotions I feel. I want to vent about everything in that situation that is affecting me so greatly without getting any judgment, any advice, or anyone trying to tell me how to feel or that I’m wrong.
This is one of those times. Everything was going so well. At least I thought and felt it was for the most part for my littles and I. Sure, there were a few ups and downs to go along but we were making it and sticking together. We were positive about everything that was coming our way and made due. Even when our toilet upstairs broke, we made due and figured out something to work. None of us freaked out. When we were running out of gas, I sucked up my pride and asked for help from a loved one. We focused on the positives of life for the first time in a long time. We were actually living and making due.
Then the accident happened with my little’s father and one of our littles. It messed up my car greatly.
Now I have to try and figure out different ways to get my littles to school, me to school, pick them back up, go to their Christmas programs at school which are on the same day but different times, get to our counseling sessions which have made great differences in our lives, and get back home.
All while not having a vehicle or a means of transportation. All while having to rely on someone else to go out of their way out of the goodness in their hearts to give us rides sometimes or to rely on the public bus transportation. All while trying my hardest to make sure we are not late for anything or missing anything. All while this past week and this week being my finals week at school so of course I have that great stress on myself because I have to pass my classes. All while I worked so hard for the grades that I do have in my classes that’s there’s no way in hell that I will be giving up or not going to my classes.
I’ve been trying to be positive about everything, keeping a straight face, not breaking down, and keeping it all together for my littles. But today, I’ve had it. Both littles have been at their dads for his weekend and will be coming back soon tonight, hopefully before bedtime if their dad listens to me. And you know what? I’ve been crying my eyes out. I’ve been having my own little pity party tonight. I’ve been doubting everything on how to get everything done. I’ve been having the biggest fit ever.
I’m not ashamed in any type of way for all of that and have every right to do so. Simply because I will not let this get me down. I will finish my last week of school this week. I will do amazing on my finals. I will make sure my littles get to school and get back home afterwards. I will not let anyone tell me I’m wrong or judge me or belittle me because of anything that is happening right now in my life or because of how I am handling it. I will suck up my pride and ask for help. I will accept help from others. I will greatly appreciate any help I do get from others. I will show appreciation for any help or for anyone just being there for me and my littles. I will be thankful and positive. I will find a way to make this all happen. I will stand strong and not let any of this bring me down.
Why, you ask?
Simply because I am a fighter, will survive, will live life to the fullest with my littles, and will succeed. 💞