Yesterday Little #2 had therapy. He’s been going for about a month now. Lately we’ve been having some aggression issues so we really needed to talk about that.
Him and I talked with the therapist about those issues and one main underlying issue that is a huge one for him: his dad. He misses him a lot. Dad just moved out this past summer after living with us for a year because things weren’t working between him and I. It had nothing to do with the littles. But it’s hard for them to understand that.
Both littles want mom and dad back together and us living together again. We’ve tried that but it just doesn’t work. I understand that though completely because everyone wants their mom and dad.
Their dad is still living in the same town as us, just across town maybe like 10 minutes away. They get to see him on days that he gets off of work early and on weekends, mainly every other weekend because he works so much.
For a long time, their dad and I didn’t get along at all. Didn’t matter what it was about, we just argued and fought. Both of us are bull headed, stubborn, and have to be right. And for a long time he didn’t want to step up as a father to our littles and that was a major issue. Just a very toxic relationship.
Now though, we are trying to be a team as parents to help our littles. We’ve been trying for a while but for the past few weeks it has really helped and worked. Our littles now see us getting along, no arguing, and being respectful towards each other.
In therapy we really figured out a big point on why Little #2 has been acting the way he has since his dad moved out. The therapist said that he wants to be just like dad so he is watching and learning everything their dad does. He seen their dad call me bad names and be disrespectful towards me and be aggressive towards me so that’s why he feels the need to act the same way. In his mind, he is taking over dad’s role at home since dad is no longer there. It made total sense! I get it know. For a long time he has thought he needs to be the dad and the man in the house since dad is no longer there and that’s a lot of why he is behaving the way he is. When he’s with his dad, he’s not aggressive, angry, or anything like that. He is like the perfect little. And that’s because dad is there already having the dad role taken care of. This all makes perfect sense to me now.
The therapist and I are going to switch his sessions to once every week now instead of once every other week to try and help and learn different ways to help Little #2. She gave me a few ways to try to help him when I first start noticing his anger to redirect him into coloring and praising him greatly when he does something good and giving him small rewards that he earns when he does something good and having his angry space be his room so when he’s angry he can go in there to calm down by punching his pillow or resting and then talking about his feelings.
I’m so happy we found out why he’s having these issues so that we can find ways to help him.