Power of Forgiveness

In my Drugs and Society class at school we had to do a addiction project. We had to pick someone we know that is a addict, preferably a recovering addict, and write their story. Part of the project was we had to present it also with preferably the person we did the project on so they can help tell their story too.

I picked someone very close to me. She was the first person that popped up in my head when I learned about this project.

Now for a long time I was really deeply mad at this person. Mainly because I believed she had a choice in doing drugs and had a choice with her actions and she chose bad choices that affected my siblings, myself, and many other people. For a long time I didn’t want to talk to this person or get close to her or anything.  I was still mad, sad, and hurt.

I already in my head picked this person for my project and she agreed that I can do it on her.

I was still very nervous about it. This madness, sadness, and hurt had been holding me back in life in many areas. I didn’t want to get close to anyone and would only let very few people close to me but even when I did, I would push them away when they got too close because it was scary to me. Everyone in my life has left at one point or another so didn’t want to chance getting close to anyone else and then them just up and leaving. I was stuck in the victim state on mind in many ways for a long time too. It consumed me and so did the past.

I wasn’t sure if I could really do this addiction project on this special loved one of mine but I knew it would hopefully help. I knew I needed to get through this and also wanted deeply to fix my relationship with this person but didn’t know how to do so.

As I started doing this project, some details I got from asking the questions and getting the answers from her were surprising and in a way hurt to talk about. It made me want to close up again and push her away. To just find someone else with an addiction and do a project on them. But I knew I needed to do this and that I had to. For me. And for this special person. Otherwise, our relationship would be completely shot still.

After going to a few weeks of this class and talking more with this person, it really helped me understand the power of addictions and that when someone is an addict, the addiction becomes more powerful than the person and they can’t control it. It honestly really helped.

My classmates had done their projects and presented them during the past few weeks. Well, today was my turn to present my project with my special person. I was so nervous and was scared I was going to break down and not be able to do it. She was very nervous too.

The nervousness went away as we were presenting it. I asked the questions and she answered with most times going in more detail to describe her story more. She also answered questions from my teacher and classmates.

I was surprised with myself. I did tear up a few times but honestly, I’m not mad or hurt anymore. I forgive her. For everything in the past. Things happened that were out of her power because of her addiction and the power it had over her. She is truly sorry for her actions that hurt others and has changed her life around. I truly forgive her. And I’m beyond proud of her. She is such an amazing inspirational person and I’m so thankful that she is in my life. I finally feel like I have closure on that chapter of my life and I’m free from it. Love the power of forgiveness and this special person in my life.

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7 thoughts on “Power of Forgiveness

  1. Monica Rene says:

    Hey, I do feel a bit awkward about jumping in to the community here with my first comment, but I’ve really enjoyed reading your posts since I’ve followed your blog, and I feel especially compelled to comment on this wonderful post. I also have an important relationship that has been strained by drug abuse, so I truly admire the amount of forgiveness, courage, and trust that you and this person have had to conjure in order to face the past and begin healing your relationship. Let alone, the tremendous strength to stand before a classroom and share your stories. Your story gives me hope for a better future for my relationship with my “someone” someday. Congratulations to both of you! I wish you the best of luck in moving forward with that relationship!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. freifamilyfun says:

    Thank you for this post!!!! I’ve read a few of your posts in the past, even before I fell into this wonderful world of blogging. This post, however, strikes a chord in me so deeply I am almost on the verge of actually attempting to see things from the points of view of those (yes, plural) in my life who have caused so much pain and division in my family. I have tried to forgive, and there have been some instances where I actually did forgive. But then, they would sink to a new low and drag the rest of us with them. I truly am not a judgmental person but I don’t have the patience to deal with someone who seems to be intentionally destroying their own life with no regard for the lives which get destroyed in the wake of their own selfish behavior. Oh how I struggle with the notion that in spite of their habits and terrible choices they make, they continue to receive free rides, hand outs and an all access pass to the life of luxury. I’m constantly asking myself, “how is this possible?”, when my husband and I are struggling from day to day to follow the rules and to set a positive example for our children. We never could consider ourselves as privileged, in spite of all of our attempts to get ahead and “do it the legal, respectable, and dignified way”, we merely stay sandwiched somewhere between “we could lose everything if one unexpected event happens” and “yay! The bills are paid on time this month!”. I have experienced forgiveness in other areas of my life, areas that were far more offensive than this one. So I know the freedom and the peace that comes with truly forgiving someone, because I actually set myself free from bondage. I think I am stuck because I am constantly offended and jealous of the privileged life that is continually afforded to people who, as it would seem, go out of their way to break every rule possible and yet they still get free room and board, free expensive vacations, someone else to raise their children (but there are no restriction on how much time they are allowed to spend with said children), someone else pays to send their children to incredibly expensive private schools, and they don’t even have to get a job! They mere existance is reason enough to reward them and all of their behaviors with an all access pass to the entitlements of the hard working and the wealthy with no exemptions. I seriously don’t understand it. So then these feelings leave me feeling guilty because I know in my mind and heart that I should forgive, simply because I have been forgiven absolutely by my Heavenly Father. And then there’s Matthew 18:22 where Jesus said, “forgive, not seven times, but seventy times seven times.” (Paraphrased). I know in my mind what should be done but the screaming fits coming from my heart drown out the sound of my logical thought processes. Oh please tell me this is all in the realm of normality and that you have similar experiences. Please. (Oh, and sorry for unloading and rambling on your page. I’ve never commented on a post before so I’m not fimilure with the rules and etiquette yet.)

    Liked by 1 person

    • lorenapena1 says:

      I’m very glad this post has helped you! Sorry for what you are going through with those people in your life. It’s so hard to forgive but it is so freeing and well worth it when you do. They no longer hold that pain and suffering on you. When they try to drag you with them into their problems, say “this is not my monkey’s, not my circus.” My mom taught me that. So you decide that it’s not your problem and you don’t have to stress over it anymore. If these people are grown ups, they have to make their own decisions and learn from them eventually. No one can keep saving them from their problems all the time or they only learn that someone is always going to be there to fix the problems and won’t learn how to do it themselves. I know it hard. Trust me, I do. I completely agree, I have no patience for it at all and it drives me crazy. Eventually, they will learn once they want help and want to change their life around. I get what your saying about the being offended and jealous of the privileged life of people when they do bad things and get everything. I have someone that is like that too. Drives me insane. But I know I’m doing the best i can for my kids and myself and they will realize that eventually and be thankful. I take pride in everything i do for us and earning it and couldn’t handle someone doing everything for me. It would be nice sometimes definitely but couldn’t do it. I’ve had similar experiences and i think what you are feeling is all normal in those situations. And don’t be sorry 🙂 I don’t know the rules and etiquette yet either but love the comments 🙂

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  3. ntamargowalker says:

    I think that there are so many people that are impacted by addiction, and struggle with forgiveness. I fall in that group myself. It took me years to forgive the addict in my life, unfortunately the addiction took that person away from me before I ever got to tell them. I’m very glad that the project helped you learn more about addiction; so many people think that addiction is “just in your head” and it’s not. Thank you for sharing this story.

    Liked by 1 person

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